Crush or Crushed?

Somehow I think the latter.
Guess thats just how life is.
A cruel master.

Above all.

"..this is Houston calling Zee.. please come in.."

"..Houston, this is Zee.. is there a problem?.."

"..Roger that Zee.. it seems there IS a problem..YOU.."

"...."

Yeah. I have quite a big problem.

My first non-audit, non-work related, non-sensical post.

Sorry about that.

Gotta catch my 40winks first.

You know...

Felt like blogging, but couldn't think of a topic on such notice, so this dilbert comic strip i came across will just have to do. Click on the picture to enlarge it.

Of hookers and auditors

I hate the client i'm currently doing.

(wow. that sounded so wrong? HAHAHA)

Bugger couldnt tell a debit from a credit.

not that it matters anyway.

we end up having to correct their mistakes with no consequence to the bugger.

Anyway. what i wanted to whine about is the fact that the messiness and un-properly kept accounts is taking up alot of my time.
I'm very close to going over the budgeted cost no thanks to the bugger.

Anyway, enough on the boring stuff.
News from the south island.

EY firing, PWC , KPMG cutting salaries. I have no news about Deloitte though.
And well, very obviously, across the board, hiring has either slowed or stopped.

Many people think the big four arent affected, when this is quite a fallacy.
Our audit doesnt earn as much revenue as it did last time anymore

(when you calculate its percentage. the firms earn a bigger chunk from their supposedly ancillary services these days.)

On lighter note.

There was an email going round comparing hookers to auditors.

Its pretty corny, but sadly, parts of it are rather true.

* You work very odd hours. 
* You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.
* You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.
* You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room.
* You charge by the hour but your time can be extended for the right price.
* You are not proud of what you do.
* Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded. 
* It's difficult to have a family.
* You have no job satisfaction.
* If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends you to another client.
* You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.
* People ask you what you do and you can't explain it.
* Your family hardly recognizes you at reunions (at least the reunions you attend).
* Your friends have distanced themselves from you and you're left hanging with only other professionals.
* Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.
* Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what they get for the money.
* Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or BMWs.
* Your pimp encourages drinking and you become addicted to drugs to ease the pain of it all.
* You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth but if the client is foolish enough to pay it's not your problem.
* When you leave to go see a client, you look great, but return looking like hell (compare your appearance on Monday A.M. to Friday P.M.).
* You are rated on your performance in an excruciating ordeal.
* Even though you get paid the big bucks, it's the client who walks away smiling.
* The client always thinks your cut of your billing rate is higher than it actually is, and in turn, expects miracles from you.
* When you deduct your take from your billing rate, you constantly wonder if you could get a better deal with another pimp.
* Everyday you wake up and tell yourself you're not going to be doing this stuff for the rest of your life.

The truth and nothing but the truth.

I picked this up from one of the regular blogs i visit.

Its being forwarded like mad in the states.

http://www.examiner.com/x-3040-Minneapolis-Life-in-the-Cubicle-Examiner~y2009m3d10-PWC-Deloitte-EY-and-KPMG-Big-4-employees-modern-indentured-servants

Found it rather amusing.

(albeit a shockingly accurate description)

are you shhhurrrre?

One of the partners came up to me today,

ask hows everything going.

Mentioned something about training planned for the off-peak season.

lol.

when is off peak i wonder.

Rumour is there isn't going to be an off-peak this year.

So I have a really good question here.

Recession.

eh, whats that?

Stop shoveling? you'd better not.

Its funny when I see someone start blaming other people for the most insignificant stuff.
Funny until I get to see the whole picture.

All the shit comes from the top, and filters to the bottom.

The more inefficient you are at filtering out the shit,

the more you stink,

the more the one below you has to filter.

This particular colleague can't seem to take all the shit coming at her.

Everyday at work i see the light(whatever's left) being drained out of her.

And she gets so grumpy she bites at anyone she can.

I can't say I don't pity her, but if there's one thing you gotta do, especially if you're in audit,

is to "see through all the bullshit" ( to quote a friend of mine)

And make sure you shovel fast enough.

You don't chuck it at other people cuz it's just gonna come back at you.

Maybe I should have a talk with her sometime..

...AFTER i shovel my own shit first. =)